I wish it was better BUT you can't always get what you want. ANYWAYS 

Yeah it's not very happy for me. I'm depressed and not having a good time before we move. My computer broke down and I'm using a friends.

I hate this

Now get ready for a rant and random thoughts. I'm spilling it all here.

I hate being depressed, i don't like my eye sight BUT what do i do. Stay on the computer and make my sight worst. I cannot EVER reassure my self that everything is going to be okay. I cannot have other people tell me either cause it's not all okay. I hate not contacting people BUT if i don't want to talk I really don't want to talk. The world sucks end of story there. I don't believe in GOD I believe there is something bigger out there BUT i don't call it GOD i call it IT. IT loooooves to fuck with me. I ask it why but i never get answer back...umm i wonder WHY?! I hate hate hate not having room to do things. My body doesn't like me, trying to tell me "Get outside." I try and my body is screaming "AHH" it really can't make up it's mind or my mind i don't know.I hate hate hate my life right now and I'm only 18. I hate that i don't have a plan in life I do but it's not going to get me anywhere. I hate my carpel tunnel BUT i hate it when I'm not the computer. HATE I have a lot of HATE right now HATE HATE HATE HATE!!!!!!!

OK i feel better

and please if you read this don't take it personally, again I'm just rambling

~Keno

That's the thought that always runs through my head. I am having this weird thing of I wanna be happy yet Im not doing anything to make my self happy. SO from now on I dance like no one is around and Im going on walks everyday :)

...Feelings 

Lately I have felt stressed. Reasons of many. To many to name. BUT I will narrow it down to this. Feelings. My feelings get in the way of a lot of things. Like a friendship, a love, my goals. And many other things. BUT I try not to let it get to me but they do they are my feelings I can't just get rid of them then I am a heartless soul~

Like an eighteen wheeler. Ouch. I have come to the realization of this while doing resumes and filling out apps. Everyone was warning me, did I listen...HAHA no. I learned for my self that it sucks and now I am paying for it. ~

Sorry for the post again BUT MAN do i feel low a dirt right now... and i do and don't know why. 

I am starting to miss school ... O_o 

"I can bite too"

I am out of school!!!!!!!!! *dances*

Things can end up strange. Strange as in you wonder later on in your life how thing ended up the way they ended up. You can't answer but it would be nice if you or someone else could.
Someone who hides something for so long finally show his true colors and ends up getting hurt by people he cares about. But he also relizes that there are people who care about him, but the pain is to huge to just get over it, over night. It takes it's time to fester and scab over then heals. But for now his swims in pain and covers it with denial.
Another someone who only cares for himself hurts said person before, and still is. He trys to hind everything and lies about anything. He doesn't want to face reality and this is the reason he only sees himself. He loves a being that has come from him but doesn't love the woman who gave him this being. He uses her as well. He thinks his friends don't know anything but they know more then he thinks.
The last person has finally meet his goals in life and has friends that support him. Yet his feeling get the best of him and he knows it. He has strong feeling for one and hate for the one who hurt him. He has done things with both persons but the one hated is still hated. He wishes the hurt would just get over him, but he realizes as well that it will take time. His other two friends are mostly caught in the middle of it but what can they do but sit back and watch helplessly.

Thing are strange, no matter how we live our lives and no matter what we plan our lives will always have the strange roads.

Ok get ready for a rant.


I am so sick with myself. I look in the mirror and wonder what the hell is wrong with you? Don't you see you are only hurting yourself in the situation?

I have no motivation, I can't sleep half  the time and when I wake I am tired most of the day. I can't get up and go to ONE building every morning so what makes me think I am going to do that for work? I am tired of me, myself, and I. I hate this. EVEN If I write it all done will it help? It does make me feel better but the fact of the matter is I need to get off my ass and do it. WILL I? No... why? I really don't know. Maybe I am just sick and tired of everything and wishing the world would stop, but I know it doesn't. I think that is what scares me the most. I can't keep my mind set on one thing. I have to many thoughts running through my head. I mouth off to everyone if I don't take these pills I am on. I thought those would help too but they are not so I am not sure weather or not to take them. I am just so sick of my self. If I ever saw me on a sidewalk I would just punch myself. I would do it til I bleed.

The only thing that comforts me in life are my stories BUT I can't even get those straight.

AND when I plan stuff, it never goes according to plan cause I have second thoughts about it.

AHH! I want to fucking punch myself, but I can't cause I wanna do great things in life but the way I am going is not good. -_-

(Sorry for the grammar.)

~Keno

Yeah I am having that moment so if you do not want to read about bull, please move on thanks <3

So here is how I stand right now. I am making choices that are not the best for me right now. AND I realize this yet I am still do it. I can't make up my mind what I want. I think I have the determination to move on with my school work but I really don't. I hate the class I am in and just wish I was in ALC BUT that's not going to happen. I want to kill everyone including myself (NOT really just ranting) I can't keep my mind in one place unless I am on the computer (School work or random stuff) I hate the fact that my mother is so stress out I feel I am the most cause of it cause I haven't gotten a car, I barely drive and I hate the city!! (That's the reason I don't drive.) I have to worry about my grandparents coming down so I have to get the room clean so they can stay in it. (That's not a big deal) BUT the big deal is the fact that my mother is stressing over that as well. AH and me and her are so much alike it pisses me off! My councilor says that in every parent child relationship there are pattern. My mother and I's pattern is we are afraid of each other mothers. I want to break that so bad. I want to be able to talk to her with out having to worry about her yelling at me. BUT I can't do that cause I am an idiot who can't make up their fu**ing mind! Ah, seriously I would rather not be here at all then deal with all this bull....

thanks for letting me get that out there...I feel a little better :)

~Keno

(Grammar grammar grammar -___- )

I am having a lot of issues with friends lately, Or their life effect me (Because I care to much)
Finding out somethings I didn't need to know, or one of them not respecting me or my family and I didn't realize it, or just not being around.
It sucks yes, but I love them all no matter what. Even if they are...I don't know what word to use. *laughs*
BUT anyways everything seems to be better~

Alright I must go but I leave you with this...

"Friends are friends no matter what."

~Keno

You just wish you could take a break, but you know you can't. Now a days anyway. So you try you best at everything and you still get nothing out of it. That's how I feel right about now. Have you ever felt like that, bet you have cause everyone does once in their life. Unless you a lucky S.O.B. then I commend you. (I hope that's the right word) BUT anyways I hope you all find something in you life and I hope I do too that is good and enjoy the little things in life :D

(I sound like a fortune cookie *laughs*)

~<3 Keno

I finally come to the realization of why we have old friends and new friends. Some old friends you keep, lifetime friends they make ya laugh and they are there for you. Old friends that you only see at sudden times because you are not as close but still want them in your life. Long distance old friend, the people you love and hate at the same time because you had your issue and are still ticked about it but you get over it in you own way. New friends to get your mind off of the old friends you don't want to talk to anymore.

I have had my computer for 4 years now and it's been good to me so far. BUT today it just decides not to work. I can't get into my internet, some pictures and videos are not loading, and my tablet is off and on again. It scares me cause I can't afford a new computer. I have been working with it all morning but nothing.

I don't know we will see what happens

~Keno